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samflieskites 35, Female, Florida, USA - First entry!

May 2010
12:56 PM EDT

"Rich Bitch" -17/05/10

~~Dear Diary,~~�� <----� scratch that, it's gay.�who�does that anymore?��

I'm sort of getting sick & tired of people saying I'm a "rich bitch". I keep telling them I am definately not and they don't believe me. Psh, yeah, I go to concerts, I have a bigger house than most people at my school, I go on alot of trips. So what? Besides, kay, I go to concerts every once & awhile when there is one I like, and my dad gets a discount on the tickets anyways. I have a bigger house
than most people at my school because here in Brampton, (well, around this area) there aren't many big houses & people don't have alot of money & live in apartments & those ugly chicken coop homes. And, okay, I go to Florida every year because my grandma owns a condo down there. MY GRANDMA get that in your mind. She is retired OF COURSE SHE HAS MONEY! And I've been on two cruises so what? They were still mostly paid by my grandma. Goodness, people need to mind their own buisiness.�Most of�my friends get spoiled. They buy hollister, bench, tna, abercrombie. Even though Tna & Bench is crap clothing they still get it. Not saying I want it, because I don't, I just think it's un-necessary for them to be getting all mad at me because I do things and have things that they don't when their parents are going off & buying them all this expensive shit for easter and for other stupid things.

Get over that it doesn't matter what we have. It's the person on the inside that counts.
Gosh, get a life and mind about your own.

Tags: Rich, Abercrombie, Bench, Bitch, Friends, Hollister, Rich Bitch, Spoiled, Tna

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1 comment(s) - 09:21 PM - 05/18/2010

HopeInGod19 32, Female, Michigan, USA - 5 entries

May 2010
5:12 PM EDT

All Things..Are Being Considered

Well, this journal writing thing has always been easier when it was required for school, so I seriously can't fathom that it will last long. Either way, I will certainly try. The main reason I wanted to start this is because I am making a very important decision regarding my entire future. I have been a Catholic since March 23rd 2008, and it has had a very recent and incredibly profound affect on me. I sat for at most an hour today making a pro/con list and at the moment can't remember what I scrawled down. However, I do know that the pro's out weigh the con's about three to one at this point, so I'm very happy about that. My decision could mean I may not have kids one day,or a husband. I may not live alone, but I will not be able to marry. I will have a ring on my hand, but not because of a man, but because I promise God I will trust Him to lead me, and that I will work for him constantly and consistently. I know that my decision may be one that I look back on and think " Why did I choose this?" and frown, but I may also be very happy with it, and be very blessed. At least for now, I do not have to make it right away, or for at least a year, so I am not entirely concerned. I want to weigh as much of the good and bad as I can. Even the idea of becoming a Nun ( or Sister as it is interchange with) is a slightly nerve-wracking one. I don't want to enter into it without a lot of considering my options. I know God will lead, but I have to honestly follow, or risk making a large and costly mistake.

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Yhm 42, Female, China - 21 entries

May 2010
7:42 AM CST

Sweet Gentle Voice

I was reminded when I was out of track...
Claims not to see a light, complains about my life.
Doesn't even have a glimpse of hope to see..
doesn't even have a spark of joy to feel...
but just wander and wander in the dark.

And this Sweet Gentle Voice awaken my senses.
And His sweet gentle whisper comforts me.
I know I'll never see Him for a while,
I know I'll never touch Him for the meantime,
but His presence is always there for me.

And when i think about those days,
I was able to say...
No matter how hard your days would be...
No Matter how dark the place you stay...
In His presence awaits a light to see.

And now that I'm awake and was taken out from darkness
I know I have to go and show the same way too.
Do the same thing He have bestowed,
Share the words of hope He ever told,
and be like The Sweet Gentle Voice in my past.

-010508 ecnerolf arym-

Tags: be like The Sweet Gentle Voice in my past

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1 comment(s) - 01:12 PM - 05/29/2010

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linnea14star 30, Female, Washington, USA - 25 entries

May 2010
1:18 PM EDT

Dolphins

I a serious animal activist who want 2 protect all sea mammals such as dolphins which are getting slautered in Tiaji,Japan by frishermen. If u want more information or want to be part of the solution and �take the pledge to do this go 2� TakePart.com/TheCove or Go 2 Facebook and �type in�TheCove.�

Tags: HELP THE SEALIFE

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auxilary25 40, Female, California, USA - 32 entries

May 2010
12:12 AM EDT

I'm sick and tired of his crap....I'm tired of freaking caring when I know I shouldnt....Today he didn't even have the guts to text me he had OUR COWORKER respond...people think at work that I'm keeping him from seeing his daughter..NO he has a mental problem he needs to get help with..to top it off he denies she's his daughter and demands a DNA exam to stall the mental analysis. How can a person change so fast?? I hate us working together I keep sending my resumes and nothing yet..idk how to deal with this he looks at me everywhere I go at the office but then he has a coworker text me that he cares only about his daughter that other things are not "worth discussing"...he can't even fight his own battle with me..he isn't a man to face anything on his own....what was I thinking???? Why the hell doesn't my heart stop caring already!!!

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vampiricakatt 29, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries

May 2010
7:12 AM EDT

I am here once again

You scream and yell
And i just sit there
You call me names and such
and I don't care
Your pushing me and pushing me
Closer to the edge
you rag and rag
and All I said
was have a good day
When I didn't want to talk
you took it the wrong way
and now here I am
here again
Broken down inside
what you don't get
Is that what you say hurts me
no matter what I don't do it to you
why do you do it to me?
So have a good life
Because I'm gone
And never will be seen again
By
Katt Gravlin

Tags: bullies, hurt, pain, sorrow

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vampiricakatt 29, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries

May 2010
6:59 AM EDT

down for the count

bam Thump i hit the floor
no one notices my screams and yells for help
I feel the blood trickle down my cheek
I feel the pain inside of me
The blood has spread to my lips
inside my mouth with a busted lip
I feel the hot tears go down
my cheek as I cry
He stands over me wishing i would die
Everything he's done
everything he's said
Was a lie
and always will be.
By
Katt Chapman

Tags: Hurt, pain, Sorrow

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GirlWithAPen 28, Female, Indiana, USA - 28 entries

May 2010
5:47 PM EDT

It just struck me, "Why hadn't I thought of doing this before?" I used to live in a constant fear that someone would pick up my journal and start reading it when I wasn't in the room. I used to carry my notebooks into the bathroom with me for the sake of Peter! Yet there was something about it that was secretly delicious, like I was somehow sly because I had made it so far without anyone reading it... or so I thought. Until my brother decided to start scribbling little notes down in margins. That was about the time when I started guarding them with my life. I still kind of miss flipping through flimsy, ink-stained pages just to gaze upon the multitude of paragraphs I had written. I would write about every little thought that popped into my head all day- religion, politics, psychology, and yet still those little petty things that almost all twelve-year-old girls think about. Sometimes, I would think that all the things I wrote about would spill into what I talked about, making me a more socially disagreeable person, but it turns out that it was quite opposite. The less I write about these things, the more short and quick my temper has become. I find myself turning red in the face when I "discuss" these things with some of the most stubborn and unthoughtful people. Then I become unable to remind myself that arguing with these people is pointless, because they take it upon themselves to believe that they know all and will refuse to see reason. I'm becoming quite the John Adams. (But at least the people he argued with had and IQ level above that of a chimpanzee.) Then again, what can you expect from junior high students?

DISCLAIMER: Not everyone that I "discuss" with is purely infantile. There are a few whose maturity is at quite an acceptable height.

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GirlWithAPen 28, Female, Indiana, USA - 28 entries

May 2010
4:58 PM EDT

I've taken to the habit of doing something I like to call "napkin art". When I go to cafes or restaurants, I doodle on my napkin. I write little witticisms and short poems. I'll draw cartoony pictures that make little sense to the dull eye and much to the keen, and I always leave a message that says something along the lines of "I hope this napkin brightened your day! :D" Even though I know that it will probably be thrown into the rubbish bin before it's read, it's a nice feeling. I never sign them though. I can't bring myself to do it. Like when I graded myself on my group project for art, I couldn't bring myself to write 10/10, even though I knew I deserved it. The other thing I wanted to touch on is my peculiar reading habits. When I read a book, I'm a noisy reader. I laugh out loud at funny parts, sometimes I gasp, other times I make sarcastic comments about what the author wrote. I do this everywhere. In class. On trains, planes, and buses. In cafes and restaurants. I just can't seem to contain myself. Lastly, I was mulling over what it's like to be a minister's daughter earlier today. There are several rules to it- 1. Smile at everyone on Sunday morning. Even the most annoying people. 2. No swearing, no pseudo-swearing. 3. If there's food in the house, don't touch it until you've asked what it's for. (It may be for church dinners, charity auctions, out-reach- you just never know.) 4. Never bother the minister when he appears to be napping, because quite often, he's not. 5. Never tell what the minster is really like to anyone in the congregation. Ex) what he watches on TV, what he says when he gets angry, the type of crude jokes he makes. All of it is taboo. It's not quite as hard as it sounds, it's just that people like to think of preacher's kids as little all-american angels, when really, I'm just about 1/4 pure German and I wished I lived somewhere that wasn't here (Definition of "Here" in the sense of "Where I Live" in The Updated Dictionary of Mariah- (noun) an uncultured hellhole that sucks your sanity away like the vacuum of a black hole. A place in which people are easily fascinated and fill their lives with petty drama because they have nothing better to do with their lives that they themselves have made pathetic (even I have)) I know I should really try to make the best of things, but it seems quite difficult considering I've been maturing at 2x speed and my classmates have been maturing -2x speed. Honestly, I don't mind the congregation. There are plenty of nice people who try their best to make their meager lives significant and that's really what I wish I could say of the other people my age, but they seem to be so intent on keeping up the norm of teenage existence that they forget that they won't be teenagers forever. (I'm terrible at wrapping up my rants, so I'm just going to end it here. Ciao.)

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1 comment(s) - 08:17 PM - 05/13/2010

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whoami? 40, Female, Nebraska, USA - 60 entries

May 2010
2:30 PM CST

Talk

I just need to talk. To anyone, to anything. Let out my emotions, my thoughts, my fears, my regrets, my beliefs, my passions, my desires. I just need to let it all out, to someone! So anyone willing to spend hours in conversation with me, God bless their soul. Amos would talk to me for as long as we possibly could. We could talk and talk about anything and everything, but for the most part things that really mattered. Things that I was truly passionate about, confused about, mad about, sad about. And he would make it all better. That meant a lot to me and that gesture found its way to the deepest part of my heart and that in turn sent some sort of message to my brain to decide to totally and completely fall for him while in that strange sort of bliss we had found ourselves. Of course, as with any state of anything, it is just that, a state. It holds no permanency and so things fade, things change, some states come and then disappear never to return again-I think that's what happened with the little romance between the two of us. That for many many reasons that I care not to sit here and type out, but one of those reasons being that I just needed to talk. And he was there. As a great, wonderful, perfectly available friend. It didn't need to be anything more than that�but because we let it go further we ruined everything. Now neither of us has the friend we had before in each other to confide in and share life's deepest burdens with. It's a sad deal really, and a really sad deal.

I am most definitely thankful for friends though. Lisa sure is one of those that I will always appreciate. It's so great to be home and spend time with her. After a two hour little chat tonight, lasting until none other than 2am, I am most pleased, grateful and relieved. It was just amazing to get so much off of my chest and out of this big ol brain�I lug around filled with thoughts beyond what it can handle. Goodness, for as much as I revealed to her, I can about assume my brain was about to overheat, or explode or at least have some sort of malfunction or breakdown. I think I could even feel it coming, and there again is the reason for this new blog and my hours of conversation I've been having lately with Lisa, oh and Bob. But Bob was more of conversation about similar interests and hobbies. Great nonetheless, and also just what the doctor ordered in the process of getting me to take better care of myself.� So how very thankful I am to have great friends, old and new, to share healing conversations with.

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